Michael Tsarion and the search for the truth of the psychological difference between the genders
19 August 2019
I feel like I’ve been on a profound emotional journey over the last few weeks.
So whatever I write here, which will hopefully have a coherence about it, misses a lot out. Especially the very difficult emotions and the pain associated with these difficult feelings. I don’t want to dwell on them but I also don’t want anyone to think that an emotional journey is free of pain.
So the journey has included discovering Michael Tsarion from my brother. I highly recommend that you check this guy out. He has done 30 years of intensive research on ancient history and symbols, the origins of Ireland, philosophy and psychology. It’s all fascinating and his podcasts and blogs on psychology has been a refresher crash-course on all the big thinkers that I studied when I was training to be a psychotherapist; some of these being Anna and Sigmund Freud, Melanie Klein, Alice Miller, Karen Horney, Carl Jung, Ayn Rand, Bruno Bettelheim.
The reason why this ‘crash course’, or ‘head frazzling course’ has been a welcome addition to my life right now is because I realised a few months ago that it is time for me to resume my love of psychotherapy for my own life and the life of those that also want to understand themselves in the most in-depth way possible.
5 years ago I was delighted to be pregnant with my little boy, and being well versed in attachment theory from my training and from my 9 years of clinical work, there was no question for me of spending as much time as I could offer to my little one. For 2 years we spent every day and night together, having a few hours apart when I would see a couple of clients or dive into the sea for some intense nature healing. It was honestly mostly wonderful, but then I realised the intensity was too much for both of us and little one spent slightly more hours with his father and with a local childminder. Now, nearly 5 years from little ones birth, he will be off to school 5 days a week from September. I don’t feel particularly anxious about him going to school, and hope and trust that the first 5 years of his life and the 9 months of him being carried inside of me, as well as our 2 years of our especially intense time spent together has helped little one with a solid secure foundation to be unashamedly himself and to form healthy relationships with others.
So the fact that I will have some more time to myself has led me to renewing my love of psychotherapy. And wow! what a great teacher I have found in Michael Tsarion . I have just bought his book Dragon Mother , revised kindle edition 2019. I haven’t finished it yet, but have found it wonderfully illuminating about the difference in genders and how our own psychology needs attending to if we want to help change society for the better.
For me I always knew that attachment theory was important for me and it helped me feel secure in myself and has helped me massively with my relationship with my little one. But I was aware that after having a secure foundation of self, something more was needed to understand adult relationships, starting with that relationship with ourselves. This led me to explore creative Jungian therapy as well as systemic constellations which definitely helped me before and during my pregnancy.
The last 5 years have of course been a privilege in so many ways, not least the abundant flow of love little one showers every day and hopefully he feels is showered on him, while still allowing his inner self to shine.
But I do have to acknowledge that the massive amount of energy I have found myself expending on little one has taken its toll on my own inner psychic space. I feel relieved to have noticed this and to be in a profession where I can find ways to feel psychically renewed enough to ensure I’m still available for my little one and the other important relationships in my life.
This is where Michael Tsarion has helped to push my emotional boundaries in an uncensored and truthful way to remind me about the world around me being a mirror to my own internal world. And to help me psychically cleanse myself and to learn how to have authentic balanced feminine and masculine archetypes inside of me.
If this all sounds cozy and obvious, think again and I urge you to read Dragon Mother so that you too can be informed about why our society is as it is today, linked to the masculine and feminine archetypes and stereotypes. And it is sure to help your relationship with yourself and others and hence our society by doing your own psychological work.
Celebrity Big Brother January 2018
Celebrity Big Brother 2018
I have been a keen viewer of this series. The hook for me was that it is 100 years since women gained the right to vote and the series has celebrated this by being an all woman house for the first few days.
I have been really pleasantly surprised. I have watched Big brother in the past but I think the last time I saw it was the infamous Celebrity version where 3 British women were accused the Bollywood actress Shilpa Shetty (who eventually won it ). I have memories of talking to my training therapist about the bullying at the time, which upset me, and although it was rich material in some respects I feel that the fact I did get caught up in that aspect of the show was perhaps a reflection of where I was at the time, maybe where society was. I have just looked back at some of the eviction interviews and it does seem dated.
This series has been classed as tame and mild by the media, yet I think there is so much to learn from the wonderful array of people who have agreed to do the show. The latest show has generated a lot of activity on social media , a lot of people are angry at John Barnes’ comment about Andrew. John commented that if Andrew , who is straight, did anything (sexual) with Shane , who is pansexual (one who can love sexuality in many forms), then John would not socialise with Andrew. Andrew and Shane are great friends on the show and have been flirting with each other.
The really interesting learning that I take from the show is Shane’s wonderful communication skills and decorum when dealing with traditionally difficult subjects. Shane went to talk to John after this comment was made. Shane acknowledged that John had said it in a rather jokey way, but wanted to explore what John had to say. John engaged with the conversation and explained that straight men are threatened with gay men because they think the gay guy will want sex with them, he admitted he didn’t feel this way about women. Shane listened with integrity and interest and John (in my view) explained that he knew it was wrong to think badly about gay people, but he said he had always thought this way so didn’t feel it was possible to think differently. Social media has now been predominantly angry with John.
For me there are 2 massive points just from this conversation that presumably took a couple of minutes .
One is the fact that John Barnes’ is displaying ‘a belief is just a thought I keep thinking’, so clearly. He believes something is wrong with being gay because that is what he has always thought, because that is what people around him thought. When we are aware that ‘a belief is just a thought we keep thinking’ , it can empower us as we can then start slowly changing our beliefs, by incrementally reaching for healthier and more joyous thoughts . For instance we can challenge beliefs about being an addict, a control freak, a victim, a womaniser, or any other negative beliefs about ourselves and others. It is wonderful to know that beliefs that feel, (as it seems John is suggesting), ingrained and hardwired and impossible to change are in fact malleable and open to evolve with the world and the society that we live in. So for John, I think that Shane has offered him a massively wonderful opportunity of starting to be aware of what he is doing and therefore there will be a possibility of change. Shane is a natural at allowing others to explore their inner worlds, just as we would want from our psychotherapists.
The other fact is that Shane (aka as Courtney when in drag), is an amazingly secure and self aware person. Those words could conjure up thoughts of being boring or a killjoy, but far from it. In fact in line with being secure and self- aware he is such fun in the house, he is also a fantastic listener and also displays compassion when other housemates are feeling stressed. I have been wondering the secrets to this individual. For me it is linked to the 100 years anniversary since women got the vote, ie women doing something that previously only men had done. 100 years ago also marks the time that some women started wearing trousers and as we know today it would be rare to find a woman who hasn’t worn trousers. So is the fact that Shane enjoys wearing women’ clothes and make up one of the keys to his happiness, creativity and security? I am planning to vote for Shane to win the series, as he represents an all inclusive society and attitude that doesn’t push against anyone else views. He embraces everyone in an emotional sense, yet still ends up solidly loving his inner and outer world, which for me represents how society could be in the future. I love the idea of a world where we are all confident and secure to have fun and to be who we truly are. Following our passions and dreams, which of course are different for everyone. We all love ourselves, which means we would then be available to truly love another.
30 August 2017 How does Roger Federer using the Laws of Attraction to his advantage?
How does Roger Federer using the Laws of Attraction to his advantage?
I thoroughly enjoyed watching Wimbledon this year. I mainly caught the evening highlights with the interviews and commentary from a variety of fantastic ex-players. John McEnroe stands out as one of my favourites to listen to, as I think he is for many. Being interested in the inner workings of our minds I enjoy that John McEnroe has a poetic frankness about this. And I was also impressed at how much psychology was at the heart of the interviews and the analysis in the highlights of each day of action.
Roger Federer was described as the King as he has broken so many records and at the same time makes winning look so effortless. He won the 2017 final of Wimbledon for a record breaking 8th time without dropping a set and he was also the oldest man ever to win it.
These were some of his comments after the 2017 Wimbledon final:
“It’s just belief that I can achieve such heights” … “If you believe and dream you can go really far in your life”
“It’s magical,” “I can’t believe it yet. It’s too much. I kept believing and dreaming and here I am today for my eight title. I hope to be back to defend it next year.”
“Better than holding the trophy and winning is just being healthy”
“To celebrate tennis it’s very special, centre courts always packed and we the players always appreciate that so so much.” … “Thank you to my team, everyones amazing, thanks to the family , thanks to Switzerland, thanks to everybody”
So what is Roger Federer’s secret?
I listen to Abraham Hicks’ Law of Attraction teachings regularly and recently I heard something about chilling out that made me think about Roger Federer. One of the keys to Law of Attraction is to relax or chill out. This seems counterintuitive to a lot of people , especially those of us that believe we have to put a great deal of effort into our lives for successful results. Abraham explains that if we have a relatively small life we can effort and make ourselves succeed. But when our lives get bigger- and of course Roger Federer has a very big life- then we cannot effort and control this big life, we really do have to chill out to allow our life to flow in the best possible way to us. And his 6 months of chilling out this year definitely helped him!
His other comments are also in alignment with Law of Attraction: he comments on his beliefs, beliefs are just thoughts that we keep thinking , so this is a reminder of the power of our thoughts to help us believe and then achieve our dreams.
Finding good feeling thoughts and especially appreciating things in our life is always helpful for our mental wellbeing. Instead of focusing on the time out he was forced to take due to injury Roger Federer focused on being healthy. He also commented on his hope to defend his title next year. Hope is certainly a good emotion to have, being hopeful about events can help tip the balance from negative to positive thinking.
Roger was also full of appreciation for everybody, which is also a fantastic way to keep the positive energy flowing.
So happy holidays and remember to chill!
3 May 2017 Who wants to learn about Law of Attraction?
Blog 3 May 2017
Who wants to learn about Law of Attraction?
As with anything that we want to learn there is the theory and the practice of it. I used to teach physics and when I taught gravity to year 7's (11 and 12year olds), they had all been using gravity since they were born, however the theory was new to them. I believe that the benefit of learning the theory of gravity is the fact that it is a universal law; it can feel reassuring to have a law that always works in our world, which seems a little chaotic and unpredictable some of the time.
Similarly we have all been using the Law of Attraction since we were born, because just like gravity, it is a universal law. The benefit of learning the theory of the Law of Attraction is that you can then understand yourself more fully and have a clearer idea of how to achieve your goals.
The underlying premise of the law of attraction is also the heart of any counselling and psychotherapy practice that I have ever been a part of. This foundation is our own emotions. Or Abraham-Hicks describes them as vibrations (as does Napolean Hill in his 1937 bestselling book Think and Grow Rich.) Interestingly Jerry Hicks discovered an early manuscript of Napolean Hill's book and realised that the word vibration had been edited out 37 times, perhaps due to worry that the public wouldn't buy a book about vibrations. But vibrations were at the heart of his theory.
So what ! You may say, "Big deal , I have emotions or vibrations." Yes yes! We all do and that really is the key. The Law of Attraction means that we are attracted to those of a similar vibration, or emotion, to us. So even if we are not aware of our feelings in the moment, the Law of Attraction will bring us plenty of real life examples to help us notice what we our feeling, or to indicate our emotional set point as Abraham- Hicks describes it. If we can honour and acknowledge our feelings it will help us understand ourselves.
Once you can acknowledge and recognise your current feeling, the next step is to improve your feeling little by little , or maintain it if you are already super happy. But if you are super sad it is not possible to suddenly flip to being super happy. Think of a ship changing direction, it needs to be done at its own pace, little bit by little bit.
Have a look at the Abraham- Hicks processes on the internet to help you to shift up to a happier emotional place step by step.
Once you can be mostly happy by remembering the things and by doing things that make you happy, you will allow the good things that you want in your life to appear.
The opposite of allowing is resisting. Resistance can be reduced by sleeping, napping, meditation and appreciations .
So get happy , and if this feels tough get more sleep, mediate and write a list of appreciations every day until you feel a shift in your feelings or in the events of your life. Both are good indicators of how happy you are and thus how ready you are to allow all the goodies in life to flow to you.
If you want more help how to apply the Law of Attraction contact Emma at [email protected]
21 January 2017 New lover for the new year? Don't throw the old one out.
New lover for the new year? Don't throw the old one out.
Sometimes when we look for something new, new computer, new television set or a new dishwasher, we throw the old one out because it has already died, but when you're looking for a new lover don't throw the old one out, even when you think that the love has died.
Throwing out any negative thoughts from your mind gives the thoughts extra energy. I enjoy a game of tennis and I think of throwing out unwanted thoughts like throwing an old tennis ball against a wall thinking that you can get rid of it; the stronger that you throw the ball the harder it comes right back at you. Throwing it gently will have a gentler affect. And just leaving the old tennis ball where it is and finding a new one to play with means that you can get on with enjoying your game of tennis.
John Bowlby wrote extensively about loss and mourning and made it clear that we never replace our lost objects or loves completely, and we never lose them completely either. We hold thoughts and feelings of people that we have been close to inside of ourselves. Life moves on and we carry these experiences with us while finding new experiences. Once you have felt and moved through the feeling of loss, embrace the positive aspects of your former loves, and this includes anybody and anything that you love.
Rather than trying hard to throw old thoughts of the lover(s) that you don’t want out of your mind, focus on a new idea. Maybe the idea of a new lover will feel good, even ideas of past and present lovers, as long as those old ideas bring you excitement and thrills, a yeaaaaahhh! feeling! And then feel that feeling and soak it up, think of as many thoughts as you can that make you feel yeaaaaahhh! until you feel yourself smiling. And keep smiling until friends and strangers smile with you because you are giving off such good vibes. The vibrations of love and loving. You feel so loving that the world suddenly looks brighter and shinier and before you know it you will be attracting loving people into your life by the brightness of your light.
If getting into a loving place by thinking about lovers is just a bit out of your reach at the moment, (maybe the thoughts aren't as positive as you would like them to be), then get into that loving place in whatever way you can. Think of things you love to do, think of things that make you happy, and do them, or think about them. And most importantly revel in the happy feeling inside of yourself when you are thinking or doing the things that make you happy.
Enjoy the journey unfolding in front of you, not just trying to get to the destination of a new lover as quickly as possible! Being with my 2 year old reminds me of how it is so important to enjoy the journey. My little one will play with his toys because it is fun, not because he is trying to achieve something. His goal is to have fun. If we can remember to learn to have as much fun as possible on the way to wherever we are headed, it makes the destination much more achievable and enjoyable. And look to little children and animals to help you, they know how to live their life with the purpose of joy and happiness in mind.
“happiness is a journey, not a destination. for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. but there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one.” Alfred D. Souza
5 January 2017 Emotional Hangovers and the way to Great Relationships
Emotional Hangovers and the way to Great Relationships
Reconnect with yourself after the festive fun so that you can create ever more beautiful relationships.
Yesterday I had my festive season emotional hangover. I no longer drink more than a couple of sips of alcohol, but the symptoms of my emotional hangover are very similar to what I remember from alcohol hangovers, ie: feeling lethargic, stuffy headed and a general despondency.
The difference for me nowadays, where the hangover is emotional, is that I am far more aware of my feelings moment to moment and respond to my feelings in the best way that I can in each moment.
This resulted in a rather relaxing and, eventually, productive day. I didn't plan to do anything productive, as my feelings of lethargy forced me to slow down. When I trust my feelings I notice how the day unfolds smoothly, even when my feelings are not all positive. For example I was meant to run some errands and meet up with friends but both got rearranged before I could even think about it and as a result the day was free with no obligations. A great solution for my emotional hangover.
So instead of rushing around in the morning as I had planned, I sat and played with my 2 year old and then we had a gentle walk along the beach in the sunshine. All the Christmas and new year holiday makers had disappeared and older children were back at school so it was very peaceful.
Whilst my little one napped I caught up on some bills and then took a nap myself.
Then we were both ready to explore more of his Christmas presents. Another difference with my emotional hangover is that instead of feeling guilty I was grateful that me and little one were chilling out at home. I felt that for now it was best for both of us to be snuggled up at home where it was warm and comfortable. After all of the festivities, food and fun it was the first day for 2 weeks with just mummy and toddler at home. It was a lovely reconnection time for us.
By bedtime I could feel the remnants of my stuffy head and body, but I could also feel the start of some fresh air and light resonating around my mind and body.
‘Keep the smile, Leave the tear, Hold the laugh, Leave the pain, Think of Joy, Forget the fear, Be joyous, cause its a New Year’ Lance Armstrong
So by connecting with myself by relaxing and letting myself be guided by my emotions was the key to being able to connect with the world around me. Once I had gone inside myself and been gentle and reflective in the morning, my lunchtime walk resulted in 4 conversations with local people , each one being engaged with a spark of light between us; helping us all emerge into 2017 with positivity.
As always it is that connection with ourselves that yields the path to all the relationships in our outer world, from romantic relationships and friendships, to the relationship with our careers and material objects. Always connect with yourself first. You are the most important person in your inner and outer world. Happy, healthy, wealthy and wise 2017 to everyone!